Spring, literally and figuratively, represents a time of fertility, growth, blossoming.... and boy, is that apros pos for me these days! Semi-dormant seeds of creativity from my subconscious mind have begun wriggling their way up into the light of consciousness. Ideas and projects that have been on the middle burner for months and years now seem to be demanding to be placed front and center. I've been curtailing outer activity levels, to afford time for writing, reflecting, researching, as well as for clearing the decks (again, literally and figuratively) for the next chapter. It's an exciting time.
And speaking of exciting.....I was recently informed that my Relax Into Healing Series collection, comprised of my six most recent titles (Healing Affirmations & Harp; Pain: Softening the Sensations; Surgery: Mindful Mending; Cancer: Embracing the Healing Journey; Chemotherapy: A Healing Solution; and Radiation: Removing the Dross), was named a Silver Award Winner in the prestigious Nautilus Book Awards. Nautilus' slogan is "Changing the world, one book at a time." The category my titles placed in is "World-changing Audio Books." Wow.
This is a big deal on many levels. To begin with, it is very gratifying to be in the esteemed company of the other award winners, who include the likes of Deepak Chopra, Krishna Das, Lynn McTaggart, Julia Cameron, Barbara Kingsolver, Norman Shealy, Dawson Church, Gregg Braden, Gary Zukav, Thich Nhat Hanh...to name but a few.
(Pardon me for name dropping, but to be in this kind of company is pretty humbling, and pretty darn cool...!)
Also, from a marketing standpoint, it is very helpful to be able to use the coveted "award-winning" adjective to describe my work. This kind of commendation will help tremendously to get this work out there to even more people who can benefit from it. Which is, after all, the point of all this.
And yet even way more "cool" and gratifying than the noteriety and marketability aspects, is the fact that this is a testament to the power of belief, the power of intention, and an unrelenting faith in the Higher Power.
I remember sitting at the Nautilus Book Awards ceremony back in the early 90's, when I had one little cassette tape out on the market, and I was stumbling my way around the (at that time known as the) ABA trade show, trying to educate myself on how this whole crazy publishing/marketing world works. (I'm still workin' on that..!) I watched, with a lump in my throat and more than one tear in my eye, as author after author went up and received their award for having created life-changing, consciousnes-changing books.
Something inside me stirred...deeply. And I vowed, "Someday....".
I held that vision, through many ups and downs and ins and outs. Now, with the unrelenting assistance of the Higher Power, (and the addition of a new category this year for audio books!), I am at that juncture in my Path. It's time. And so I head to LA with an overflowing gratitude in my heart for this honor... and this responsibility.
And I pray that the Divine Muse keeps clearing and using me, so that I may be as effecctive a Vehicle as possible, as we all work together to change the world.....one thought, one word, one action....one choice at a time.
I leave you with a quote from the Talmud:
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If only for myself, what good am I? If not now, when?
Namaste.
May 10, 2008
I recently achieved something I thought I’d never do – I completed not one, but two half-marathons within four weeks! (Do two halves make a whole? Ummm…nope, in this case I don’t think so.) But running 13.1 miles at a time – which seemed like plenty, mind you! – is something I’m pretty proud of. And speaking of proud…
The first race, I ran with my amazing daughter, Annamieka. Mieka, who was diagnosed in March 2005 with Hodgkins Lymphoma, was responsible for getting me into all this in the first place, when she was asked to be the “honored teammate” for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society Team-in-Training. They were training for the Race for the Roses Half Marathon, to be held in Portland, OR on April 6th, 2008. (Basically, the HT becomes the teammembers' inspiration to keep going - "if she can make it through the rigors of cancer, I can run another mile...") But Mieka being Mieka, her response was, "Well, sure, I'd be happy to be your honored teammate, but why don't I just run it with you?"
She then called me and said, "...So, momma, you wanna run a half-marathon with me?" I heard myself say, "Well, of course!" It was one of those "what did I just say?" moments. But I told her, as long as my 53-year-old body seemed to be holding up okay, I'd be happy to train with her. So, two months before the race, we began logging the miles. I've been a 2-3 mile runner pretty consistently for years, with a few 10k races thrown in, but never have I attempted running non-stop for over two hours! But amazingly enough, one step led to another, muscles strengthened, toned...and ached...in places that were brand new to my awareness! I literally, we ran through rain, hail, sleet and snow...and occassional sunshine. Mieka and I trained in different cities, so we'd support each other by cell phone. We'd call during training runs to say, "I'm at mile 9 and I'm hitting a wall here. So this next mile's for you!" And the other would cheer, affirm and encourage in any way possible. My own mental mantra became, "I take the step that's before me to take." I would make my mind focus on something other than the thousands of steps left to take in that day's run. "Light...loose...relaxed. Fit...trim...toned." Beautiful countryside. New neighborhoods to explore. And by race day, I was actually feeling pretty darn good.
The night before the race, there was a "rah-rah" dinner that really served its purpose, and by the time we'd listened to some amazing cancer survivor/thriver stories, and I'd led the team in a guided visualization of the next day's race (because, of course all top athletes visualize their success!), we were both so excited that the energy just had to come out somehow.
Now, mind you, when my kids were little, I highly discouraged them from jumping on the beds at home, or in hotels, but hey....when your kid's twenty-three, and strong and healthy enough now to be jumping up and down on a bed out of sheer joy and excitement, what's a mother to do? Jump with her, of course!!
We jumped and whooped and laughed so hard we cried, and then collapsed on the floor to catch our breath and regain our maturity. (Well, sorta...)
The next morning was perfectly overcast and cool, and let me tell you, meeting with a lobbyful of hyper-charged half-marathoners at 6am is quite an eye-opening experience. (Literally, for us non-morning persons!) We made our way en masse to the starting line, and before we knew it, were being swept along in a river of moving bodies, barely noticing the first several miles we covered. At about mile nine, though Mieka's body rebelled a bit, with a severe cramp in her left hip flexor area, that sent her to the ground in sudden pain. I massaged it for a few minutes, we made it through the tears of fear and frustration, and in true heroic fashion, she began limping her way toward the finish line - still four miles away. It was a classic scene, arm draped over my shoulder, my five foot frame trying to hold up her five-foot-six one, limping along, tears turning into laughter as we sang silly songs and received all sort of "Way to go - you can do it" calls of encouragement from other participants.
Her cramp gradually abated, and we did indeed eventually cross the finish line in grand style...hand in hand, skipping our way across, with huge smiles of glee on our faces. Did we set any records? Not by the clock, that's for sure, but the personal bests we attained that day outweighed any other method of measuring success.
We both felt totally triumphant. I was so proud of Mieka, who had never really run before at all, and now had completed 13+ miles, a third of them injured, and all of them with slightly comprimise lung capacity from her cancer. That, to me, is the definition of a winner.
We created many precious lifetime memories during this journey together, and shared some crazy mother/daughter moments. Although she was too busy to keep training for this one with me, I decided to go ahead and keep training for the Eugene (half) Marathon that was held on May 4th. I managed to cross the finish line in a time that felt like quite an accomplishment to me personally, but the most important aspect, again, was not the clock, but the personal committment and the incredible support I received along the way.
(Unfortunately, Ken, my husband, had to be out of town on race day, but I truly felt his spirit there boosting me on. And both Mieka and my son, Aaron, along with my dear friend Peggy, were there to cheer me on, hold up signs, and even run with me a ways at several points. Somehow one of the three of them seemed to always pop up right at those times when my legs felt like lead, and I began to think, "WHY am I doing this???!!" One time in particular, somewhere around the eleven mile point, I was really running out of steam, and I rounded the bend to see a big blue and white sign hanging from a pedestrian bridge over the running trail just ahead. As I got closer, I saw Aaron and Mieka were the ones holding it. Suddenly, I had a whole new burst of energy.(The photo, taken just after the race, is worth a thousand words.) I am deeply blessed!
Another of the other lasting gifts from this whole experience is the mental, sometimes spoken mantra I mentioned above. Along with the inspiration and encouragement from my loved ones, this mantra really was one of the main things that kept me going on the overtired, overwhelmed days, in those moments when felt like I wanted to just quit! Sometimes I felt like I must be nuts to think I could really do this! But then I'd remember, "I take the step that's before me to take."
And, of course, this mantra is such a wonderful metaphor for life in general: I take the step that's before me to take.
This simple affirmation has carried over into my personal and professional life, and has truly made a difference in my attitude in so many ways. My never-ending to-do list doesn't seem quite as daunting when I take a deep breath and remind myself: "I take the step that's before me to take." As I look ahead to the many miles, literal or figurative, stretched out before me, I pull myself back from the brink of overwhelm by reminding myself, "I do what's before me to do, in a relaxed and easeful manner. One step at a time." And in being present with what is, I am able to handle each step along the way, with considerably more grace and gratitude. (To a greater or lesser degree, of course, from moment to moment, but hey - I'm learning!)
May you, too, always continue to learn. May you be fully present. And may grace and gratitude prevail, every step of your way.
Namaste.
February 29, 2008 THE POWER OF PARADOX
In one of my favorite musicals, “Fiddler on the Roof”, Tevye, a poor Russian milkman, is listening to an argument between his old villager friend and Perchik, a young revolutionary student. They’re discussing the merits of keeping abreast of political and social changes happening in the world outside their little village. The villager presents his reasoning, and Tevye comments, “You’re right!” Then Perchik presents his case, and Tevye again concludes, “You’re right!” Another friend who’s been listening replies, “He's right and he's right? They can't both be right.” At this point Tevye scratches his head, and in his best Yiddish accent says, “You know, you are also right.”
Therein lies the nature of paradox. This little scene is a beautiful example of how sometimes we must adopt a higher perspective in order to see the big picture, to allow seeming opposites to be true at the same time.
Tevye is being asked, throughout the course of this well-known story, to embrace a whole series of changes…….to give up many of his long-held beliefs, his “Tradition!”, in the face of the rapidly changing times. Out of deep love for his children, Tevye ultimately chooses to surrender many of his entrenched ideas and dogmas. He learns to open to new ways of looking at things. As Hodel, his middle daughter says, “The world is changing, Papa!” and we watch with great compassion as Tevye learns to change with it.
The world is always changing, and it is always our choice to view those changes as threats, or as opportunities. The former creates fear, pain and suffering; the latter brings joy, growth and fulfillment.
It is always our choice. By being open to change in our inner and outer worlds, being willing to look at ourselves and our situation from a Higher Perspective, we make room for paradox. Rather than being limited by our own programmed belief systems, we become large enough to contain it all. We can be in pain AND know it’s all okay. We can be afraid AND have absolute trust. We can disagree with AND totally accept another’s point of view.
It is said, “In God, all things are possible”.
Einstein reminds us, “A problem cannot be solved from the same consciousness level in which it was created.”
A simple, but profound Truth, applicable to personal and global issues. We must raise our level of awareness, attune ourselves to a Higher Perspective, where indeed all things are possible. Including paradox.
So, whatever your personal situation, may you embrace with Grace the change that confronts you. May you find peace in the power of paradox. And may the winds of change be always at your back.
Namaste.
December 19, 2007 LIKE RIPPLES IN A POND...
I had a rather frustrating day yesterday, full of computer snafus that culminated in wiping out many hours of work I’d spent all afternoon doing. It took a number of deep breaths, and reminders to myself about the relative importance of life’s little challenges, in order to retain my sense of inner harmony.
So by the time I got to the store to drop off the digital photo files I’d been working on, I was feeling a little brain-numbed. I was happy to see the name tag on the young man behind the counter – Eric was the one I’d spoken to earlier on the phone, and his calm, patient manner had already made a positive difference in my day.
Now, here I was, a week before Christmas in the photo department at Rite-Aid, amidst all sorts of harried customers who were demanding assistance with their last minute photo projects.
Eric managed to remain calm and focused as he attended to my needs, despite being interrupted about every ten seconds by another customer with “just a quick question”. And, true to the stereotype of an under-thirty male, he was able to solve my current technical dilemma with a few dozen lightning-speed clicks on my laptop keyboard.
I needed a CD to copy files for transfer. He could’ve just pointed me to the proper aisle. Instead, he walked me to aisle 7B, where he helped me choose the best and least expensive option. Back at the counter, he continued to walk me through the process of copying the files (including the little surprise techno-glitches that occurred in that process!), then offered to set my laptop behind the counter for the fifteen minutes or so it would take to finish copying, so I wouldn’t have to “babysit” it.
I played in the slippers aisle ‘til they were done, came back, filled out the envelopes (….yep, with his assistance….) and then when I told him I really needed it tonight, he volunteered to bump it ahead of other less critical orders. He also offered to call me on my cell as soon as they were done, saying he would do his best to finish it before his shift ended.
He did. And the crowning glory was that, when I returned to pay for them, Eric found a coupon for me that ended up saving me over $50 on my order!
Now the “ripples on a pond” part:
Obviously, Eric's positive energy and superior service made a big ripple in my pond. His good will affected me so deeply, I felt inspired to go next door to the market, and buy a thank-you card, on which I wrote a few sentences expressing my heartfelt gratitude. While in the checkout line, I ran into a friend I’d not seen in many months. I told him the Eric story, and he walked with me back to the drug store to deliver the card.
I gave it to his supervisor, telling her what great service Eric had provided, and asking her to please pass on the card to him tomorrow. She responded like a proud parent. Her night was brightened.
Then, as we left the store to head for our respective vehicles, my friend, Jason, said, “That’s what I love about you. I think of doing things like that, but you actually do them!” To this, I replied, “Thank-you, Jason, for that affirmation….sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t take the time either. But to me, this is what this whole season is about……gratitude, service, love…..”
He hugged me, and said, with a catch in his throat, “Yeah… Sometimes with all the other stuff in my life, I forget. I just… forget! I’m so glad I ran into you tonight. You just changed my whole night.”
And his saying that further changed mine. And the ripples continue to spread….
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May the peace, love, joy and gratitude you create in your own heart create endless ripples of peace, love, joy and gratitude in the world during this most holy of seasons……….and always.
Namaste.
September 30, 2007 TWIDDLING THUMBS, GRATEFUL HEART
The only thing constant is change. My commitment to keep up with my “blog” entries was superseded by my commitment to care for myself, which in this case meant stepping back for awhile from many of my professional “duties”, resting, re-balancing and recovering from a couple of pretty intense, non-stop years. So (almost) without apology, I now return to this writing. Because I want to, not because I should!
While writing my Fall Newsletter, I spoke of my choice to honor my body/mind/Spirit’s need to just “STOP!” for awhile, and hence, I reported, I had no upcoming public appearances planned in the near future. I hastened to add, though, that I was certainly not just sitting here “twiddling my thumbs”.
Writing that phrase led me to pause and actually twiddle my thumbs, which, surprisingly, I found to be quite amusing, and enlightening! In fact, I’d highly recommend you take a twiddling break right now. Done with mindfulness, a nice slow, rhythmic twiddle can be extremely meditative, even sensual...a very calming experience.
Perhaps I understand now why my father, who was a brilliant research engineer, an inventor, would spend hours twiddling his thumbs…much to my embarrassment as a teenager! He would be off in his own little world, with a vacant stare or even closed eyes, his revery accompanied by the gentle, repetitive rhythm of his thumbs slowly going round and round, while perched on the shelf of his modest little paunch.
It is with fondness (and forgiveness of those embarrassing teen moments), that I now recall the form of meditation employed by my highly intellectual father, whose world view did not include a “spiritual practice” per se. But it did include a quiet awareness of the natural world and all its inhabitants, and a level of patience I’ve come to appreciate more and more as I’ve matured. What once raised my own impatience, now elicits my deep respect. (Funny how that works!)
So perhaps this is why the simple act of twiddling my thumbs triggered something very deep in me: a present moment awareness that awakened that wonderful sense of “Oh, that’s right. This is what matters…”, as a gentle wave of gratitude quietly filled my mind and heart.
The “to-do’s” will get done. Never all of them. And that’s okay. I AM here. Now.
And in some form, so are you…thanks, Dad.
Namaste.
April 30, 2007 THE VALUE OF SIMPLY BEING
How can it possibly be the last day of April already?? I've committed to myself to make a monthly entry in these "blog" pages, and.....well....obviously, I'm one of those people who work well with deadlines.
I will tell you honestly I had to wrestle with a bit of resistance to get my overtired body up from lying on the couch, where I'd been watching the birds circle and land on top of the giant redwood tree in the front yard, and come back into my office and open my laptop. (OK, I had to wrestle wtih a LOT of resistance to get up and make this entry......to keep my commitment to myself.)
But because I believe there is great value in keeping one's commitments, I am now happily tapping away on the keyboard.
And because there is also great value in lying on the couch watching the birds circle at sunset,(which I admit I rarely take time to do) I will now return to that very activity, and leave you with these wise words:
"Sometimes, on a summer morning, I sat in my sunny doorway from sunrise till noon, rapt in a revery, amidst the pines and hickories and sumacs, in undisturbed solitude and stillness, while the birds sang around or flitted noiseless through the house, until by the sun falling in at my west window, or the noise of some traveller's wagon on the distant highway, I was reminded of the lapse of time.
"I grew in those seasons like corn in the night, and they were far better than any work of the hands would have been."
-----Henry David Thoreau in Walden Pond
Thank-you, Henry, for the reminder that sometimes BEing can be far more valuable that DOing.
Namaste.
March 26, 2007 A CELEBRATION OF LIFE, COMMUNITY AND HEALING!
On Sunday, March 18th, we gathered in "A Celebration of Life, Community and Healing...and two works inspired by that healing!"
We had much to celebrate - first and foremost, Annamieka, my 21-year-old daughter's, health and vibrancy! She was diagnosed in March of 2005 with Hodgkins Lymphoma. Mieka is an amazing young woman, who has been my teacher in so many ways, including during the challenging months of her cancer healing journey.
Having also been through my own healing journey in 1998, as well as having been closely involved with many others', (including my father, and my son Aaron's first love, who succumbed to cancer in March of 2000 at the tender age of 21), I can speak with what sometimes seems like too much knowledge of the trials and tribulations of such journeys........as well as their inherent blessings.
Over the years as a healer, I have also worked with many clients facing cancer or other chronic or life-threatening diseases, and, although emotionally grueling at times, I can honestly say these personal and professional experiences have provided some of the richest, most rewarding and most deeply joyful moments of my life.
(I've been encouraged to write more about all these experiences, which I intend to do someday, but for now..........back to the celebration!)
We sang, we danced, we laughed, we cried......we came together in healing meditation and prayers for peace.We celebrated life and healing, growth and learning........and we also celebrated community.
Given that Mieka had no health insurance, her healing became even more of a community effort. The saying "It takes a village to raise a child", was amended to "It takes a community to heal a young adult". The monetary gifts we received during that period were incredible, second only to the gifts of love that poured freely from the hearts of friends, family members and complete strangers. Although no words could ever capture the gratitude we felt and will always feel., it was important to express what we could verbalize.
Sunday was a ritual of passage, a pause to reflect on gifts given and received, and lessons learned. We completed a chapter. As a community.
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I'd like to leave you with a quote by Starhawk, on the true meaning of community:
"We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been — a place half-remembered and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free."
Amen.........and Namaste.
PS -Next month (which is right around the corner!), in these Notes, I'll tell you more about the new works inspired by Mieka's healing journey that were also celebrated. (Especially Mieka's incredible work!) Stay tuned...!
February 5, 2007 REFLECTIONS ON A HEALING JOURNEY
With the release of my six new Relax Into Healing titles, and having recently gone through my daughter, Mieka’s, cancer-healing journey with her,it seems timely to share a few reflections on my own journey through cancer…
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In December of 1998, when I first heard the news that I had uterine cancer, I had two simultaneous thoughts: “How am I gonna tell the kids?” and“Oh….okay… here we are at this chapter – time to play it out so I can get on with what it is I’m really here to do.”
It’s as if a part of me knew this was a very important and necessary step along my path.This is not to say that I didn’t go through my share of fear, confusion, and being shaken to the core. And yet, the pervading sense I had, from diagnosis to full recovery, was one of profound trust and even gratefulness.
My cancer healing journey was one I would not like to go through again, thank-you, but at the same time, I would not trade it for the world.The life-changing learning that occurred is unparalleled.I could (and perhaps someday will), write a full-length book about this very special chapter of my life.I learned so much about trust – in myself, in others and in the Higher Power – and about surrender, compassion, self-discipline, forgiveness…the list goes on and on. The challenges were many, the benefits were great.
This “cosmic sledge hammer” afforded me the time to step back, re-examine, and re-evaluate.It also afforded me the opportunity to put into application many of the approaches and techniques I’d been using for the past two decades with students and clients. I, of course, had been adhering to and practicing these spiritual principles and healing techniques myself as well, but never had they been put to the test as they were to be now. My most fundamental beliefs were uprooted and questioned.And strengthened.
I believe we all come to this earth to learn – the primary lesson being to learn how to love.I also believe each of us has our own unique gifts to share, and that by listening to our inner voice, we are guided to and through experiences that help us learn how to recognize and share those gifts…sometimes in ways we would least expect!
About 4 months before my diagnosis, I had prayed deeply, making a whole-hearted commitment to learn what I needed to learn, to heal what I needed to heal, to let go of whomever or whatever I needed to let go of, in order to fulfill my Higher Purpose and be a vehicle of Love, Light and Healing in a world so much in need of all three.
As they say, “Be careful what you ask for!”
And be grateful when you receive it. In whatever form it comes.
Namaste.
(For a personal account written in October of 1999, just months after my diagnosis, please see the second entry on the articles page.)
January 11, 2007 MOMENTS OF MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION
It is truly heartwarming to receive calls such as the one that just interrupted my writing… this call was from an attorney in Philadelphia who asked that I overnight my “Relax-Quick!” (and another) title to her, because she really needed it - now!
We laughed together at how her request to overnight Relax-Quick! is so,indicative of our modern culture. Then, after a few moments of meaningful conversation - of human connection - we both returned to our work, refreshed and renewed.
I am again reminded it is our moment-to-moment choices and interactions that create our sense of peace and well-being. That life is to be enjoyed as a process, not pushed aside while striving for an end result.
In my life, and in my work, I do my best to experience and convey the sense of tranquility and joy that comes with simply being present in,the moment.
I believe we all deserve to be happy, and at peace. I also believe that peace on the planetary level can only be achieved as each of us finds the courage and dedication to create that peace within ourselves. As Gandhi said,
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"You must become the change you seek."
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May we all experience peace and healing in this new year. The new,paradigm is being created, by the choices we make in each and every moment.
We're all in this together, Blessings on your journey.
collection, comprised of my six most recent titles (Healing Affirmations & Harp; Pain: Softening the Sensations; Surgery: Mindful Mending; Cancer: Embracing the Healing Journey; Chemotherapy: A Healing Solution; and Radiation: Removing the Dross), was named a Silver Award Winner in the prestigious Nautilus Book Awards. Nautilus' slogan is "Changing the world, one book at a time." The category my titles placed in is "World-changing Audio Books." Wow. 
We jumped and whooped and laughed so hard we cried, and then collapsed on the floor to catch our breath and regain our maturity. (Well, sorta...)
hold up signs, and even run with me a ways at several points. Somehow one of the three of them seemed to always pop up right at those times when my legs felt like lead, and I began to think, "WHY am I doing this???!!" One time in particular, somewhere around the eleven mile point, I was really running out of steam, and I rounded the bend to see a big blue and white sign hanging from a pedestrian bridge over the running trail just ahead. As I got closer, I saw Aaron and Mieka were the ones holding it. Suddenly, I had a whole new burst of energy.(The photo, taken just after the race, is worth a thousand words.) I am deeply blessed!